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Well it has been an awful long time, so many things have happened. I just recently moved to Pleasanton, which is way closer to my job. I only have to drive like 5 minutes to go to work and it is the best feeling ever. where i was living before was in Oakland. It was bad ever sinced i first moved there. I hated the weather, the people, and how everything seemed so damn busy all the time. I felt like i was 3,000 miles away from home. Now i live at least a 40 minute drive from my moms house and just a hop skip and a jump from work. I absolutely love my new place. I get to go home and have lunch at my house. I could lay in bed if i wanted to, but haven't done it yet; Im afraid i wont wake up in time. Anyway, Cameron is completely out of my life. He wants nothing to do with me because how i hurt him so bad. This guy really loved me and i let him down completely. I hate hurting peoples feelings. If i could somehow show him that i will always have respect for him for showing me that someone can love me with all of their heart, I would. Overall, he is a good man at heart, but like he said, "Im always gonna be a thug" I can't live that way, I need a man with a good head on his shoulders, who will take care of his responsibilities and work hard for his money, instead of slangin. Oh well, after timed served, he will be a better man and hope to leaned a lesson. on another note, I been reading the book Twilight, Its pretty awesome. It certainly is a page turner and keeps me on my toes. Im halfway through the book and I highly recommend someone pick it up and start reading it. well i feel like i released everything that was on my mind so goodbye for now and until next time�

October 26, 2008

So, last weekend I was asked to do some volunteer work for an organization here in Mooresville called WAM (women auxiliary of motor sports).� Sounded like a great opportunity to do some networking so I agreed to volunteer.� Really had no idea what I would be doing.� I knew that I had been recommended for the work because I have experience driving a 15 passenger van but had not idea what I would be doing.� It turns out that I was needed to pick up all the performers for the benefit concert they were having.� Basically I picked them up at the airport and took them to the hotel, then would shuffle them back and forth from the hotel to the venue.� The headline band for the show was Rick Springfield.� His tour manager requested that once they were picked up at the airport that they have a person specifically assigned to take Rick and the band around.� I was asked to handle that!!!!� I was to take them where ever they wanted to go.� After the group was done with their sound check they wanted to go to dinner.� Rick had seen a billboard for a Japanese restaurant on the way to the venue and asked if I could take them there.� Turns out the restaurant was right across the street from the hotel.� So off to the restaurant we go…me and the band.� Up to this point I really had not had much conversation with them but once we got to restaurant we started chatting it up and where having a great time.� Apparently the boys like playing practical jokes and I turned out to be there next victim.� In a nutshell they told the waitstaff that we were out to dinner to celebrate the pregnancy of myself their bass guitar player Goerge.� So at the end of dinner they brought out a cake with a candle in and they sang a song for us.� It was quite a production and it got the attention of a lot of the people in the restaurant. The guys thoughts this was so funny, I guess I did!� Other performers that I met that weekend were, John Waite, Eddie Money and Lou Gramm.� It really was a fun gig and I’m happy I was asked to help.

i have a email wahoo!

At last things are looking up for us the money we thought we'd never see again has been paid back it has taken months but it has arrived in time to keep us above water .this was wages my partener was due when his boss went bust thank god it came when it did thats a lot of my mind at long last .i now even dare to think about christmas . see if you hold onto the little ray of hope long enough something good will happen .about time too cos i couldn't take much more crap this year .ah well alls well that ends well i guess .

Here's an interesting thought. We don't just need a mental concept of God (info, thoughts, ideas etc.), we need an emotional concept of God, because ultimately our souls overrun our minds (which is why we often behave irrationally). The idea comes from "Sidetracked in the Wilderness" by Michael Wells.

"The church today is full of unbelieving believers, who with their minds run to God, but with their emotions run away from Him. Much time and effort have been spent persuading people's thoughts to agree with what Scripture says, but very little attention is give to the emotions, which need equal convincing; an emotional concept of God is just as important as the intellectual view."

So here's a little test I took. Answer the questions as if you were in your worst moment. Firs thing that comes to mind...

1. When I think about being with God I feel.... In my worst moments I don't want to be with God. I'd rather hide, it's all too hard. I am unworthy, distant, hopeless, don't want to talk to him, feel unacceptable, feel like he's disappointed, aloof. Don't feel like he cares. I'd rather ignore him. He's a priority, a task, a chore, something else that I'm failing at.

2. When I have to trust God, I feel.... uncertain, resentful, I'd rather not have to trust him, I'm not sure if or when He'll come through. Can't rely on Him. He might, He might not, just depends on something outside of my control. Trusting is not easy. It feels risky. Hard to do. Something I HAVE to do.... Obligated. Cornered.

3. When I think about God I wish... he wouldn't be so ethereal, difficult to grasp and to know, I wish he wouldn't be so invisible, unreachable, uncommunicative, silent, distant. I wish he was more real...closer, nicer, kinder, more fun, less strict, demanding, more tolerant. I wish he was more approachable. I wish he was like the perfect daddy, who would hold out his arms and I could run into them, knowing I'd done bad stuff but that it didn't matter. I wish he was more comforting. I wish he didn't just leave me to my own mess but that he would know when I've had enough and step in and rescue me.

4. Sometimes I get angry with God when ... He doesn't change my situation. When he doesn't change my wife, my staff, my results. I get angry .. more resentful when He holds out on me ... when he takes off and I can't get in touch with Him. When I'm depleted and empty and in pain and he's not there. I get angry because he makes demands on my life without helping me. It's all a one way street sometimes. I get angry when I can't do what God wants me to do.... when I can't deliver the goods, can't live up to his high expectations, when I fail him and others. I get angry because he traps me and there's no way out.

5. It frustrates me when God wants me to... to do the impossible. To live in pain. To meet his expectations. Keep going when I've got nothing left. Keep believing, serving, trying, reading, praying. Why can't he do something himself? Why do I have to do so much and he doesn't have to do anything? Why does he get to sit back while I work my butt off. Why do I have to change myself, why can't he change me? It's too hard for me, and a cinch for him. This doesn't make sense!!! It's frustrating building the house, when the Lord doesn't build the house, we labor vainly, but what else is there to do? He won't do it, so we must!

6. I really enjoy God when... He speaks to me. When I'm worshiping him. When I don't have to pray, serve, read my bible or behave in a certain way, or get results. I enjoy being on holidays and getting away and being in the wild, watching a sunset. When I'm out of phone range, and away from draining people and when I am confronted by beauty. In stillness, quietness, in reflection. When I don't have an agenda, or a responsibility or a task. In situations where I can't really get anything done, but I can just be.... I really enjoy God when he does good things without me being behind it. Spontaneous good. Awesome! I enjoy God when he uses me, when he inspires me, when he shows me the way, when he comforts me, when my paradigms shift, when I understand him better.

7. The one thing I would change about myself to please God is.... throttle myself and go to heaven?? ok no seriously... ummm this one's hard. I'm just a dufus, thick as a brick, a bit of a failure, I would become more tranquil and heavenly minded.

8. When I think about God's commands I feel... impossible, defeated, go jump, it's too hard, imposing, nuisance, burdened, I'll never be able to do it.... no fun, out of reach..

9. Sometimes I wish God would... turn away. Not look at me. Leave me alone. Stop pressuring me. Just change me. Help me. Not stand around silently. Get involved. Work in me and through me. Help Himself. Glorify Himself, bless me, give me peace. Lift me up, heal me. Stop being so mysterious and out of reach for the average person. He was more tangible in the bible, but right now he's playing hide and seek. Show Up! Have a go! Do Something! Anything!

10. I can really depend on God when... When I operate in my gifts. When I let him lead me. When I give him control.

11. In my relationship with God, I'm always sure that He will... never leave me alone. Never give up on me. Always be there. Will be constant. Won't change his mind. Speak eventually. Won't let me struggle forever. Have a plan for me and a destiny.

12. The one thing that frightens me most about God is... He could get me out on a limb and hang me out to dry. Publicly humiliate me. Embarass me. I could try and do something by faith and He just might not show up and come through for me...

13. God surprises me when... He does something on his own without me making it happen through travail, prayer, confession, repentance, research, trying, believing... Like a breakthrough somewhere in my life that I didn't have to contrive. When He changes a paradigm in my mind and I see things totally different. That's cool.

14. One thing I'm afraid God will do is.... Let me crash and burn, go too far and tip me over. Fry me. Push me beyond my limit to cope emotionally or mentally.

Apparently these are pretty standard answers. So it's no wonder the average Christian isn't close to God.